Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
