i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
