he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
