Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
