Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
