I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
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