The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
