I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
