He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize