I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
