Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
