I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
