wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
