Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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