Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
