dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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