My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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