I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
