We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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