Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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