I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
