He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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