are you still at the devil's house?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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