i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
