seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
