glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
