Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
