Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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