we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
