I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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