So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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