Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
