yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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