So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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