Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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