Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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