yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We are all done wearing pants today
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
