Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
vagina is talking i cant
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
