You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I understand Curling. That high.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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