i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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