Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
