I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
