he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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