i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
