why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
