the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
