we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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