my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
