MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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