u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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