Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
