hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
