then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
