dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
