Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
