i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
