i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
