Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
