dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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