i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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