Do you still have your period?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
