somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
