He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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