I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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