I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
