We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
