Apparently you make a good broom.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
birth control should be required to get into college
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
