It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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