He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
